7 years of famine and 7 years of feast

It was seven years ago that I married my husband. I choose the 2nd of July thinking, that it would afford us long weekends to languish in our love for one another. Oh, it's almost laughable how wrong I was, but I haven't yet found enough grace to laugh, but I will. For He promises me this.

Mark's calling to be a doctor, was a calling on my life too. So, all but one of our wedding anniversary weekends have been filled with Mark away on rotations, taking call, in-processing at new duty stations, or moving to new places, and in these years we have not had a single long weekend to celebrate. So much for wise planning!

So, it is in these thwarted plans that God has been teaching me over these seven married years, and the two years prior when we were engaged and dating, that He is my first love. I must seek to be filled up by Him first. Oh, what a hard walk for me at times. I ache for time with Mark, who I love and cherish so deeply. The disappointments of not having weekends away, or of not having an anniversary dinner alone together can sting sometimes. And, the loneliness of his long hours can make me sorrowful.

But, today, I choose Joy, because in my obedience to love Mark, I also know I love my Lord. His walk to Calvary was not joyous, but he was willing to walk in pain, bear the burden of my sin, and love me dearly despite it all. Oh, how much I see of Mark in this. When many of his peers are 15 years younger or more, he with energy and enthusiasm, most days, pulls himself out of bed at 4 a.m. to tenderly care for his patients with wisdom, care, and genuine compassion. I am amazed. Unwaveringly, he does his best knowing he serves a God who expects no less of him. And, it pains him, too, to leave his wife and two daughters behind...missing precious moments of their days, even weeks sometimes. But, the cross we each carry is not light, not easy. But, we do not carry it alone.

Thank you God for the gift of grace and salvation. Because today, when I want to pity my circumstances and lament for the time alone, instead, I will choose to celebrate you and thank you for the many gifts you've bestowed upon me, but especially your grace and salvation.

I celebrate your wisdom in choosing Mark for me, in choosing his career path, and in having Him serve you, especially when some are so close to death, and potentially meeting you. May his work today glorify You, and may the tenderness with which he cares for his patients soothe their tired, sick, and weary souls.

I know Mark's ability to soothe, comfort, and heal, for even in the briefest moments we share each day, he extends it to me. I am blessed to be a recipient of it many times throughout our years together. And, oh how I love him all the more Lord because of this gift.

Lord, when I struggle, thank you for my friends, who love me, pray for me, and appreciate me even amid the struggle of my journey Lord. You have blessed me abundantly.

Lastly, Lord I pray the next 7 years of our marriage be years of feast and celebration, for we have toiled, and we seek REST in you Lord. We do not deserve it, but by grace and faith, I trust you will provide it!

Catharsis and creativity

Catharsis: the purging of the emotions or relieving of emotional tensions, esp. through certain kinds of art, as tragedy or music.

The Greeks knew the power of cathartic moments and captured them in ancient dramas for thespians and audiences alike to witness, empathize with, and, ideally, to transform. The pivotal aspect of catharsis for the thespian is an inward moment of despair and where it takes the actor in his journey downward to the depths emotional pain needed for the performance.

For audiences, we journey by witnessing the pain, often connecting with it, sometimes reflecting upon it, and, if we are susceptible to the power of the drama, its words, its intentions, and those who preform it, we purge our own emotions purposefully allowing a transformation of our emotional and moral landscape.

Landscapes are manifold. Hence, our world's landscape is diverse, and within it the individuals who create these expanses too. Amid these diverse settings, we each have our own modern methods of catharsis from blogging, `facebooking', painting, sculpting, playing music, creating in some capacity a space for purging. We purge our ideas, emotions, talents, tastes, and intellectual meandering, sometimes privately other times publicly.

I posit that the purpose of the intersection of catharsis and creativity was, and is, to reform the cultural landscapes into vast expanses of common sense, compassion, and codified values. Essentially, drama marks an attempt to establish and re-assert values to the audiences for which they are performed. Is your purging purposeful? If not, how might you make it so in an effort to be the change you wish to see in the world?

My personal challenge is to do just that; provide time and space for the purging and the passion to re-invigorate my world...and those whose lives cross it.

A twist on New Year's resolutions

For many people, the new year provides an opportunity to reflect upon the coming challenges and crossroads as well as the exciting prospects and presence of a new season.

Ecclesiastes 3 provides this wisdom: "Everything that happens in this world happens at the time God chooses. He sets a time for birth and the time for death, the time for planting and the time for pulling up.....He has set the right time for everything. He has given us the desire to know the future, but never gives us the satisfaction of fully understanding what he does. So I realized that all we can do is be happy an do the best we can while we are still alive. All of us should eat and drink and enjoy what we have worked for. It is God's gift." (Eccl. 3: 1-13).

So, in the spirit of this Old Testament Scripture, and along with another from the New Testament, 1 Cor. 1-3, 13., I have established my resolutions. With scripture as my motivation and framework, I will attempt to "enjoy...God's gifts" in my life...self, spouse, children, friends, health, wealth, and all the moments and seasons that occur in 2009. I've dubbed this year "An Affair to Remember" and I'm referring to a love affair with my Creator. I seek greater intimacy with the source of all love so that my life overflows with it. As my life grows in faith, hope, and love, I pray that you see not my face changed, but the face of our Creator embracing you.

May you encounter a peace, love, faith, and hope this season...2009.

Joyful obedience

Yesterday, December 17th, Mark and I discovered that he was not accepted as a Nephrology fellow in the military. In hearing the much-awaited news, I was immediately disappointed and tears welled up in my eyes. I felt a personal and deep ache for my soulmate--the man I love completely. My stomach flipped when I first heard his voice on the phone...he didn't need utter a word about the decision, and I knew the outcome of the match. Immediately, my heart truly ached for Mark, who, over the past three years, has experienced many triumphs and disappointments.

Residency has been grueling, petty, and down right hostile much of the time.

Mark, however, rather than succomb to the bitterness and pettiness of the experience, amazes me by growing more deeply in his compassion for patients, passion for medicine, and joyful obedience to God's ultimate will for his and our lives. His personal sacrifices, pain, and complete confidence in God bolsters me. I would throw a pitty party for him, but he wants none of that nonsense. He acknowledges his disappointment, but instead of looking inward for answers to questions he could never have answers to, he looks upward for God's grace and wisdom. This upward gaze inspires me. And it should. If my studied and deliberate approach to faith could provide the peace and contentment that his easy acceptance does, I would be a holy woman.

I'm not at all. So, for now, I pray that I gain the joyful obedience that he displays in his walk as husband, father, doctor, and follower of Christ.